SO How Have I Been Doing?

I started this 2 weeks after my start at the gym but just didn't get around to finishing it and sending it out.

Well it's been 2 weeks back at the gym and adding the Isagenix IsaLean Shakes to my day...

I thought about writing this blog after my first week at the gym and then decided that no, it would be more effective if I wrote this after week 2.  Week 1 can always go great but week 2 gets trickier.

My first week back at CrossFit Indestri was awesome!  Thanks again to those who welcomed me back.  I was not the fastest, nor the strongest but it doesn't matter.  I walked in those doors and felt the community I was missing over the past few months.  Talk about an instant lift in spirits.  I only made it to 2 classes that week but finished off my week with a 5k walk on the day I couldn't get in.

I also started adding the shakes to my post workout routine.  What a difference this makes!  I know how important calories in and calories out are but they are SO much  more important when you have a little one depending on your body to provide them with a healthy, nutrition packed meal!  I no longer felt like Camryn was draining every bit of energy and nutrient from my body.

I'm not saying week 1 was a walk in the park but it was a walk in the right direction.

Week 2 I made it into the gym for 4 classes!!  One of those classes was on September 11th.  CFI dedicated a pretty intense WOD to that day:

2001m Row or 2001m Run - I started with the Row because I am having trouble with my foot
11 Box Jumps (30"/24") - I did 20" step-ups, again foot
11 Thrusters (125#/85#) - 45# for me
11 Burpee Chest to Bar Pull-Ups
11 Power Cleans (170#/120#) - 65#
11 Handstand Push-Ups - 2 Abmats under my head but still did them!
11 Kettlebell Swings - 12kg
11 Toes to Bar
11 Deadlifts (170#/120#) - 85#
11 Push Jerks (110#/75#) - 55#
2001m Row or 2001m Run - Run

Throughout all those exercises I kept saying to myself "anything that I feel right now is nothing compared to the heroes of that day.  They may have wanted to stop but they didn't.  They fought through it and saved as many lives as possible."  So, by the time I was going to do a second row instead of the run, I had decided that I would champ through the run.  Even if it meant that I had to walk a portion of it, I was going to stop.  Well, I ran the 2001m.  I was the last to complete but I wasn't alone.  My "family", the people I love to see everyday at CFI, came out to greet me on the last 400m.  They cheered me on, even ran the last little bit with me.  What an emotional moment!  THIS is why I love my CrossFit box.  THIS is why I could not imagine my life without it.  The workouts make me realize potential I never thought was there and the people, the people are the most supportive and amazing group I've ever met!

It is amazing what better nutrition and exercise can do for one's physical and mental health.  Mentally I am heading back to that awesome place I was a short while ago.  Physically, I am further ahead then I was when I first started but not where I was before pregnancy BUT that's ok.  I know now that I'll get there and that, once again, I'll reach new limits.  Week #2 was much easier which means weeks 3, 4, 5...  will all get easier as well.

So here it is, 2 weeks back at the gym and 2 weeks of Isagenix (I tried to get as close up as I did with the first)...

Starting to get my muscle back :)

Life After Baby Part 2: Wasn't As Easy As I Thought It Would Be...

Now this part is about the struggles I've faced. I'm sure I'm not the only one but it seems to help me to talk about it.  I'm probably not going to be able to express in words how tough it's been but I'll try to give you an idea.  I'm going to summarize the past 4 months and get to the spot where I've been the past month.

In total I gained 42lbs this pregnancy.  A little more than my first but totally expected that the second time around.  As I said in part 1, I felt very healthy throughout and I'm still very thankful for that.  The first 20lbs slipped away so quickly, I was excited and thought "WOW, I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not going to have any trouble getting back to my pre-pregnancy weight".

I made a point of stopping by the gym to visit throughout the first 6 weeks while I was waiting for the ok to come back.  I practically begged my doctor at 8 weeks to let me at least row.  I managed to get in a couple of workouts a week and got in on the monthly ladies lunches with the morning crew.  This was awesome!

I met with my physiotherapist and she put together a weekly program to slowly reintroduce me to the world of CrossFit.  When I met with Sarah, I confessed to what was my biggest issue at that time and still is, I was feeling anxiety every time I walked through the door.  I know, it sounds ridiculous but it's true!  I felt like I was Bill Murray in Ground Hog Day.  EVERY TIME I walked through that door it felt like the very first time I walked into Indestri for Foundations.  I would like to point out that it wasn't the people.  Everyone that I saw made me feel so welcome, that they were happy to see me back.  But for me, it was everything I had in me to walk in.

The first 2 weeks of that program I started to feel better, great in fact.  I thought "I can do this".  But then I got sidetracked.  I wanted so badly to be at Indestri but also wanted to take full advantage of the fact that I had the summer off.  So the girls and I would take off for days at a time to the trailer.  Sometimes I would pop in when I was home but it was so much easier to find stuff to do instead.

I have to say before I get into too much of my struggle, that I have loved every minute of this summer.  I will cherish the memories that I've made with my family at our little trailer in the Bruce.  I am so thankful that I could spend all this time with Ciara as she deals with the transition of not being my only child anymore.  We've had some truly bonding experiences us girls AND Parker has made a point of taking more time at the trailer with us then at work.  Again, probably not something that is going to happen again for a very long time.

So my struggles...
As I mentioned above, I had a real issue getting comfortable going back to the gym.  In fact, I ended up leaving it until September 2nd as my ultimate date of return.  I had to stop beating myself up that I wasn't there.  It's not going to be any easier, that's for sure, but I will be there.

When I hit a morning class a couple of weeks ago, it was a running WOD.  I hadn't been doing much running but was sure happy to take on the workout.  Unfortunately, my body wasn't ready.  Later that day my ankle seized up and I've been slowly working on loosening it up ever since :(  SO we'll add injury to that list of struggles.

Another struggle was my self image.  I know I just had a baby but to me, that was 4 months ago and I'm ready to get my body back.  I've been at my pre-crossfit weight for almost 3 months now.  Not moving a pound!  And that Pre-CrossFit weight is plus 20lbs!!  On my little 5' frame, that's a lot.  With this plateau came the drop in self-esteem (running back into old habits).  Sometimes I forget that I'm 40 and that my body doesn't respond like it used to.  OR is that just another excuse?

I'm struggling with getting back on the Paleo wagon.  Something that I adapted to so well when I first did it.  But now, I blame it on everything.  "I don't have time to make something so I'll just grab a piece of toast".  Or "it was all that was available"  Or "it's summer.  What's a burger without a bun?".  This has been ongoing until 2 weeks ago when I found out that I truly do have a gluten intolerance.  I got really sick a couple of times after having bread.  So I stopped eating but wasn't really reading labels.  Much like sugar, wheat is in everything!  I had a doctor's appointment and she confirmed it as I was showing signs of a mild case of colitis.  Well, there you have it, I now HAD to get back on that part of the train.  So for the past week, I've been completely wheat and gluten free.  I'm starting to feel the benefits of that for sure.  No more bloaty nasty feeling every day.

Not only did I cut that stuff out but I also added something to my daily routine, a shake.  I was not getting enough calories in during the morning.  I could feel that I was lacking energy, that when I fed Camryn, it was like she was draining me of any energy source I had.  I know from experience how important calories in and calories out are.  One burns a lot of calories breastfeeding and I was not bringing enough in.  I needed something to help.  Now I'm not one to buy into a shake program.  It was something I did long ago when I was looking for that quick diet fix.  So this took a lot of decision and research on my end.  Maybe I didn't get all my facts right but for now, it seems to have been a good choice.  I am now drinking an Isagenix IsaLean shake once a day.  For now I am using it as a meal replacement BUT that is not my long term plan.  Right now it's my breakfast that I had been missing every morning.  Once we are back to a routine (next week), I will be making my batch breakfasts to be reheated in the morning or enough dinner for leftovers the next morning.  This was something I always did.  But those shakes, I think they'll be sticking around.  They will become my post WOD meal.  Something that I sometimes let go of but now I can't.  If I'm going to burn more calories by adding CrossFit into my life and still breastfeed my baby, I need to increase my calorie intake.  SO, while I'm still figuring out how to organize my life, IsaLean it is.  I should also add though that have felt amazing this past week.  Could be the fact that I'm not making myself sick with wheat belly or it could be the shakes and added calories.  I don't really know but for now, it's working.

And here I am exposing myself:

It's not a miracle change but just the fact that I actually 

wanted to do something with my hair today is a big step...

So after all that, how am I feeling?  I feel exhausted, anxious, down, miss my friends/social life, and so on and so on.  I feel like I'm slipping back to the old me, the one I try so hard to forget.

I'm ready to change all of this next week!!  I am going to get back to that Michelle I know I can be.  I am going to make a point of doing something once a week for me ON TOP OF my CrossFit time.  I can do this.  And with the support of my friends and family, I know I will succeed.  I know I've put a lot of pressure on myself and want to thank Parker for being the amazing man that he is.  He is truly a supportive partner in all of this.  He watches me, I know.  He jumps in when he sees I'm tired.  He also tells me how much he loves me and how beautiful I am.  I don't need to hear the beauty part but it sure helps :)

Life After Baby Part 1: Camryn's Story

Well, here we are.  Camryn is 4 months old and I'm 4 months postpartum.  I had figured that at this time I would be reporting about how awesome it was to be back at CrossFit; how because I worked out 'til the end, everything was so much easier postpartum; and that I had no problem jumping back onto the Paleo wagon and continuing with my healthy, active living.  I'm here today to tell you that sometimes it just doesn't work out the way you thought it would...

Let's start from the beginning, the day before we were blessed with our beautiful girl...

As Easter weekend came to an end, I woke up Monday morning, looked down at my baby belly and said "Baby Girl, you can come any day now.  Like maybe today.  So Mommy doesn't have to go to work tomorrow."  Don't get me wrong, I love my job.  I mean who wouldn't!  I work in Recreation, for a Town full of natural recreation opportunities, and my office is located at the pool!  Not wanting to go back to work was solely based on the fact that I felt done.  I was tired, swollen, and ready for this baby to come.  I was feeling a little ill so I called my mom to see if she could keep Ciara a little longer while I napped.

Well, she must've been listening because 3 hours later my water broke and we were on our way to the hospital.  Unfortunately, we were sent back home because nothing else was happening.  I wasn't having any contractions.  SO they said, get walking, moving, whatever you have to do.  If anything else happened, we were to come right back.  Otherwise, we were to come in at 8am Tuesday morning to be induced.

Well we walked and walked and walked.  Nothing!  So we went home and watched movies until midnight.  During that time, I had some small contractions but nothing crazy.  We went to bed around 1am and that's when it all started.  So we headed to CGMH.  Once we arrived, everything slowed back down.  They kept me anyway hoping I would get some sleep.  Needless to say that was a dream...

By morning there hadn't been much progress so they started "the drip".  Well that kicked in and after 2 hours of induced labour, I was ready.  I won't go into any details about that LOL.  When I got the ok to push, I looked up at the clock and thought "It's WOD time... GO".  When Camryn Elizabeth was born, I looked up again, 15 minutes!  BAM!  Great PR LOL

I got to hold her immediately and my heart melted.  I looked and Parker and could see he was instantly in love.  Then she was whisked off by the nurses.

I was pretty high on pain meds and didn't really understand what all was happening.  But it turns out that Camryn was having respiratory issues.  Parker went out to the nurses' station while I was being attended to.  I remember him coming back to check on me but heading back out.  It was 45 minutes before I got to hold Camryn again.  She pulled through but it was pretty scary.  Thankfully there have not been any other issues since.

By early evening I was feeling great!  I couldn't believe how great I was feeling.  Camryn was a pro at feeding so no issues there.  Although a little bit of a rough sleep night, I felt great in the morning and ready to go home.  As soon as Camryn had her 24 hour blood work, we headed out the door.

I attribute so much of my healthy pregnancy to continuing to CrossFit right up until about a week before she was born, and all the healthy, clean eating I did before I was pregnant.  Not so clean while I was pregnant :(

And then it all began... TUNE IN FOR PART 2: Wasn't as Easy as I Thought It Would Be

Thanksgiving 2013: What am I thankful for?

This year at the Kusiar Thanksgiving, Dad started the toast a little differently...

Mike/Grandpa/Dad: "I am thankful for the upcoming marriage of Michelle and Parker, the arrival of our new grandchild, and having all of you here for Thanksgiving"

Rose/Grandma/Mom: "I am just thankful that we could all be together for Thanksgiving this year."

Aaron/Nephew: "I'm thankful for my family"

Jenn/Aunt Jenn/Sister: "I'm thankful to be able to spend the day with all the people I love."

Jake/Nephew: Jake struggled or was shy at first so we said we'd come back to him...

Neil/Uncle Neil/Brother-In-Law: "I'm thankful for family and health"

Parker/Hubby-to-be: "I'm thankful for these 2 beautiful girls in my life, and family."

Ciara/Daughter: "I'm thankful for my family"

Me: "I'm thankful for family, my health this time around, and a good ol' Rosie turkey dinner!"

Jake shouted out a "Food.  I'm thankful for food."  Love it!

I have so many things to be thankful for this year.  Yes, life dealt us a few blows this year but, we've survived.  I am thankful for an amazing man in my life.  Someone who treats my like an equal, a life partner.  Someone who wants to share every life experience with me.  A man who loves me and love my daughter as if she were his own.  I am truly thankful that Parker is a part of my life and plans on sticking around for a while ;)

I am thankful for my beautiful daughter.  She is the light of my life.  It was her that helped me through my rough times a few years ago.  Her beautiful smile that made me want to get up every morning, become a stronger person, and live life to the fullest.  My caring, loving daughter Ciara means the whole world to me and I am truly thankful to have her in my life.

I am thankful for my family.  The love and support my parents, sister, and brother-in-law continuously provide.  I don't know what I would do without them.

I am thankful for my friends.  Their willingness to make sure I stay in good spirits through the tough times, helping out when needed and just all around support and love.

I am thankful for the roof over my head, a second roof to run away to in the beautiful Bruce, and the ability to be able to provide for my family.

Lastly, I am thankful that I have been blessed with the opportunity to carry another child.  To give Ciara a baby brother/sister and Parker a son/daughter next Spring!!  That's right peeps, we're having a baby :)

Trailer Park Life

Yesterday marked the end of our third season at Lakeside Rainbow Cottages & Campground.  I'm really going to miss it over the winter months.  We have a great group of friends up there.  It truly is another family for us.




We came across this little gem when we found ourselves an old trailer, in great shape and decided we wanted to park it somewhere for a weekend getaway.  We visited the park that day and put a deposit down on the site.  We've never looked back.

As much as I'd like to name all the wonderful people we've met up there, I'm not sure Ci will let me spend that much time on the computer today :).  I can honestly say this is another extension of my family.

Our neighbours Barry & Jim became instant friends.  The first night we were all up there, we bonded over tequila... 1 Tequila, 2 Tequila, 3 Tequila, FLOOR!  Barry & Jim have been amazing neighbours and we love our visits from their fur baby, Bailey, a gorgeous Sharpe/Sheppard cross.  Hemi's girlfriend... or was until the female beagle moved in :)

George & Melissa with Austin and Breanna, Sarah with Brookie and my little buddy, Drake, great families, wonderful kids!   Love when they do a last tour of the park and I get bedtime hugs from the kiddies.  Sarah and I like to share the latest dirty novel we've read.

Dana and Hailey, these two came into our lives at the end of our first season and wow, the connection was incredible.  Hailey and Ciara are just a few months apart in age.  It was great.  They moved into the park in August and we look forward to our summers with them.  Dana and I like to take the girls and the dogs for long hikes.  I think our favourite might just be the Devil's Monument.

Bill, Jeff, and Ray are 3 more gems at the park.  Love them.  Always smiling.  They're our event organizers.  Bill & Jeff like to host movies on the patio or Bingo nights.  Ray likes to decorate for Christmas in July and dances on the patio.  Every time we see any of them, it's always a great big hug.  Again, like we've known each other a heck of a lot longer than just a few summers.

I know I've missed some but I just wanted to give you a glimpse of the amazing group of people we have up at the trailer.  The people I like to refer to as "my trailer family".  Their support over the last 2 years for my Run for the Cure fundraiser has been phenomenal!  It ends up being a great little party that gets all the "seasonals" together.  We've even had weekenders join us!

The Bruce Peninsula is a beautiful area of our province to visit.  The Bruce trail offers many different level hiking trails, scenery that you wouldn't even think existed in Ontario, rock climbing opportunities, boating, fishing, I could go on and on.  Our park is right on Lake Huron and just 40 minutes from Tobermory where we will often take trips to catch a glimpse of the MS Chi-Cheemaun, check out the shops, and visit the Candle Shop at Miller Lake.  There are just so many things to keep us wanting to go there every possible weekend.

Anyway, one of the hardest things we have to do every year, is close down and say good-bye until next season.  This year was really tough.  First, it was the last year in our first trailer.  A tough decision to make but time to get a bigger trailer.  Now that we've found a new one, I want to run right back up ther for the first sleep in it!!  Secondly, going 6 months without seeing these people is hard!  We live all over, Owen Sound, Hamilton, Cambridge, Beamsville, etc.  Thank goodness for Facebook and texting because that seems to be our source of connection through those long winter months.  Lastly, having somewhere to run off to when you just need to get away is such a privilege.  We are very lucky and you truly do appreciate those things that you cannot have (even if it is for just a few months).

See you in approximately 207 days!!!  XOXO

Battle of the Blades - Vote for Scott and Amanda

Don't forget to vote for Amanda and Scott!  They are doing amazing on Battle of the Blades!

How do you vote?  Register at www.cbc.ca/battle

Every week they amaze me.  Scott with how far he's come on his toe picks!  Amanda with the confidence she has in her partner that she has only known for a short time.  The lifts they are performing are truly amazing.  There is at least 1 each program that has me jumping out of my seat.

They are skating for the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation.  An organization very close to my heart and I'm sure many others.  Here are links to their programs:

Week 1:  Rock

Week 2: Suit & Tie

SO what are you going to do??  #VOTE4THORTY #VOTE4AMANDA

Tough go

An unexpected hiccup in life can really throw you off.  It can take a long time to get back to the old you.  Or the "you" before.  In the Spring, I experienced such a "hiccup"...

In April I suffered an emotional and physical set-back.  Nothing life threatening but enough to throw me off my path and spiralling downward.  It was tough.  I tried to pretend nothing happened, tried to just move on, but the reality was, I had to face it head on before I could begin to heal.

It's during times like these that you realize all the wonderful people in your life.  I have an amazing daughter that, although she too was hurt, she kept me strong.  An amazing partner that, although he was just as devastated as I was, was there for me and made it his purpose to make sure I was ok, that I got through it.  And the rest of my family, mom & dad, sister, such huge support.  I remind myself how lucky I am to have such a supportive family.

My friends, wow, I don't even know where to begin.  You all were there to support and cheer me up.  Flowers, nights out for distraction, phone calls, texts, little messages to keep me cheered up.

Lastly but definitely not least, my family at CrossFit Indestri.  The welcome back from the coaches and members.  The extra push to help me get through that WOD.  Letting me cry when I just needed to let it all out during a WOD.  Tough times but totally healing.  Who can really say that their "gym" is their family?  I know I can and all the members of CFI feel the same.  We are very lucky to have such an amazing community.

Well, they say everything happens for a reason and sometimes it's easy to find that reason.  For us, many great things have happened in our lives and, I guess, a dose of reality needs to flatten you for a while to keep you real.  We had that dose, and then another, but we've had MANY great things happen in the last month.  I can't wait to share :)

It has taken a while to get back to the old me.  I think I'm back...  Feeling pretty good these days.  I think the most important thing I learned out of this experience is give yourself time.  Take the time to heal.  Don't pretend nothing happened.